A Time to Wait!

Just as the song "Turn, Turn, Turn" by The Bryds goes, there is a time for everything!  However, if you are anything like me and cursed with being impatient with all things under Heaven, this song can be hard to digest.  Think about it...we live in a very "now" society.  The touch of few i-phone buttons and we have the internet, an ipod or an instant message.  The advent of Facebook, Twitter, Foursquare, Youtube and countless other social sites allows us to see, hear and read anything instantaneously.  God forbid that little spinning circle on our phones (the one telling us its updating or searching) takes too long, and we're screaming at a piece of well wired plastic.  What used to be characterized as a virtue is now a source of pain and discomfort in our world.   We simply have to start learning to have more patience...plain and simple.  God, or whoever controls the crazy planet, is probably not going to get on Foursquare to tell us where or with whom he/she has check in.  The universe will intervene only when it and you are ready.  I'll say that again...when it and you are ready.  Have you ever gone through a spurt of impatience only to learn the wait was worth it?  Have you ever felt like your world was crumbling only to find the outcome was not really as bad as you predicted?  In other words, the ticking time bomb you created due to being impatient never really detonated as you had expected.  Our lives are a bit like jigsaw puzzles.  All the pieces have to fall in just the right place in order to come together correctly.  Puzzles, much like our lives, take time to complete.  The next time you become impatient and gravitate toward anger or even temporary insanity, take a deep breath!  As I sit and write this blog, I'm waiting for a few things to fall into place in my life.  Yes, I've been impatient.  However, I have been a little more pensive recently and finally took that deep breath I mentioned up above.  I'm learning there really is a time to every purpose under Heaven...including a time to wait! 

Repeat Performance

The curtain goes up and there you are...in front of the same audience, the same situation or the same set of circumstances in which you'll never receive a standing ovation.  It isn't that you didn't try, it isn't that you didn't practice and it certainly isn't that you didn't care.  To the contrary, you care too much.  In life, we often put ourselves in a spot, all with the best of intentions, only to be disappointed by the outcome.  This can be in the form of friendships, work situations, (insert your example here), etc.  We try so hard to do our best...and we do...only to be left scratching our heads wondering what went wrong.  The definition of insanity is doing something over and over expecting a different outcome, but getting the same one you've always received.  The good news is we are all insane.  The bad news is we are all insane.  To put it another way: if you repeatedly walked into a Pizza Hut trying to order a steak, but kept getting pizza, you'd eventually move on to a restaurant that serves steak...right?  It would make no sense to keep going to the pizza place to get steak.  Yet, in day to day life, we put ourselves in situations in which we are never going to get our desired outcome or "the steak".   Maybe you have a friend that is just impossible but you keep going back to make that friendship work.  Maybe you have a boss that no matter how hard you try, just doesn't see your worth.  Maybe you end up in situation where you know you're going to have a bad time but think this time will be different.  In very few instances like these, little will ever change to meet your level of satisfaction.  Again, you are well intentioned, but you are wasting your time.  Although it is natural to feel disappointed by certain outcomes, especially when you've expended a great deal of energy to make improvements; you are to blame.  Yes, you are to blame.  Stop trying and just move on.  It is extremely difficult to do and painful at times.  Believe me, I learned the hard way!  However, if you keep ending up disappointed, at some point you have to stop allowing that disappointment to happen in the first place.  You have to stop setting yourself up for failure.  When the curtain drops the next time, exit the stage for good!  By leaving the inevitable disappointments behind, you'll find new roads that will allow you to drive forward instead of the circles you once did.  As with anything in life though, just make sure bow out gracefully when you do leave the stage!  I'll see you on the bigger, better and more appreciative stage! :)

Friendly Fire

Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere...that sword-sharp tongue from a friend whose words cut so deep you feel like he or she almost hates you!  Let me start first by saying that friend probably loves you more than you could ever imagine.  So why the verbal assault in which you're the target?  Well, because you probably needed to hear the truth.  Don't get me wrong, it totally sucks to be on the receiving end of that and its perfectly normal to feel a little hurt.  But, as adults, we need to grow a thicker skin.  As much as it should be perfectly normal to feel hurt, it should be perfectly normal to use that shared information as a chance to grow and proceed as a better educated person.  In other words...grow up!  During a car ride the other night in which I was taking a friend home, he told me of all the great things he admired about my life and personality.  I'm not gonna lie, I was a little stunned. This friend is someone who had routinely gone up one side of me and down the other in the past...pointing out my shortcomings.  There were times when I wanted to strangle him and times when I just stopped talking to him for a week or so.  Then I grew up.  I started thinking hard about the things he said to me and looking deep within to see if they were true.  In 9 out of 10 cases (I won't totally concede) his words to my ears were like a darts to a bulls-eye.  So how did I go from *that guy to the one on the car ride home in which I was given an earful of bliss?  Perhaps I had blossomed into a better person based on what he'd told me about myself in the past.  Perhaps he sees the light I have inside now versus the dark that once prevailed. Perhaps he sees the fruits of verbal labor.  Perhaps I am now a better person and friend based on his words of wisdom.  Friends are not there to always tell you what you want to hear and pander to your every need.  They are wonderful human beings who care about us so much, they can tolerate our faults and give us meaningful soundbites to help us succeed.  Don't be so quick to get mad at the friend who calls you out.  Who better to get the tough love from?  A boss, a cop or someone else with authority in your life may not be so forgiving.  What the friend reveals about you may end up saving you from a far worse situation in the future.  I'm not going to reveal my friend's name as I know he's not a limelight kinda guy in situations like these.  But, "Peaches" (as that's his nickname for what I used to believe him to be anything but), thank you so much for being a wonderful friend.  I love you and love your friendly fire at times that keeps me level and in line!!

Mr. Personality

In my continued spiritual journey which began about a year and a half ago I have learned a few things: 1.) Its never going to freakin' end!  2.) The more you accomplish spiritually, the longer your "to do" list becomes (very paradoxical) 3.) You want to slap the stupidity out of people, but can't!  Don't get me wrong...my spiritual journey has been absolutely beautiful so far.  It has opened my eyes to more than I  have ever seen before, allowed me to look deep within people to see their light, and has given me the opportunity to learn more about myself with regard to how I fit into this world.   What I've recently come to determine is that it isn't so much about understanding everyone else to better understand yourself.  Its the other way around.  You have to really understand yourself to better understand everyone else.  Just when I thought I knew who I was, I went ahead and took a personality test.  There are 16 different personality types.  For example, I am type ENFJ (Extrovert, iNtuition, Feeling, Judgement).  Cliffs Notes Translation: I'm a people helping social butterfly who can't seem to help himself.  When you see who you really are, written down in front of you, its pretty enlightening and frightening.  By some accounts, I wasn't surprised by the results.  The test told me that a journalism career would be a good choice.  I spent 11 years as a journalist.  The test also told me about my many faults.  For example, I overvalue aspects of the world around me at times and completely lose sight of myself.  When I thought hard on that one I realized it was true.  So what do I do with this new found information?  I grow.  The test specifically said to look at your personality weaknesses to become a better person.  I believe that when we recognize, admit and embrace our faults we become consciously aware of them daily.  In Doing that, we allow ourselves to grow in to more caring, intellectual and spiritual people.  By working on our faults and understanding who we really are, we then begin to better understand others and refrain from rushing to judgment.  I realize this is a lot to digest.  I'm tired just thinking about all the inner-work and learning I have to do to become a better person in this world.  But, as my personality type revealed..I care a great deal about the success of others!  It is absolutely true.  So, I will continue mending my faults and making myself better so I can help you become better!  If you'd like to take the personality test, I've included the link.  Once you learn your type...google the hell out of it. There is a great deal of information beyond what the test site offers.

www.personalitytest.net/

Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" Review

RATING: **** (4 out of 4 stars)

It's no wonder why this song as gone #1 on i-tunes in 23 countries (source: perez hilton).  In "Born
This Way" Lady Gaga appeals to just about every person...gay, straight, bi, broke, rich, chola and asian and chair-bound...to be exact.  Her message about everyone being a superstar in his or her own right seems to have been festering inside Ms. Gaga for so long,  the release of this explosion had to have a far reach.  What I like about "Born This Way" is it contains classic Gaga dance beats (some reminiscent of other songs, most notably, "Dance in the Dark") while combining one of the most powerful and well-written messages about believing in oneself.  The song structure almost follows "Dance in the Dark" to a tee with a catchy melody line and a chorus that takes off perfectly.  While the song may not be as powerful as "Bad Romance", her first release of "The Fame Monster", "Born This Way" shows almost an even more mature side of Ms. Gaga who has chosen to use her music to deliver a useful, articulate message.  This song will do well on radio, in clubs and likely at drag shows where every "queen" in the country will be cat-fighting with one another to do the number.  Lyrics in the song state "Don't be a drag, just be a queen."   Sizing up this song with the rest of the album will have to wait a while as the full album release isn't expected until the end of May.  For now though, this gives Gaga's little monsters enough ear candy and quite the sugar rush for the next month or two before the next single will likely be released.  Kudo's Gaga on a song well-done!

"Get To"

Before I take the stage with my band "90 Proof" a few things are inevitable.  I'm probably going to be a little nervous, I'm probably going to second guess the order in which I've placed the songs, and I'm probably going to be so damn thankful that I "get to" be on stage performing.  So where did this all come from?  A couple weeks ago I was talking with someone.  I don't remember who it was or the circumstances in which we were talking.  I do remember one thing.  I said something along the lines of "and I have a to play a show." I was complaining a little because I was tired or something...I don't remember.  He said back to me "You get to play a show."  Talk about a sucker punch.  I wasn't expecting that response but I'm glad he knocked me down a few pegs.  He's right.  I "get to" play a show.  There are likely many people who wish they had a band or a stage to play.  There are people everywhere who wish they could do a lot of things but maybe don't have the means, connections or circumstances in their lives.  Never should we be in a mindset that we "have to" when it comes to some of life's luxuries and duties.  We "get to" live freely, we "get to" have jobs that allow us to pay for things, we "get to" go on vacations, and we "get to" wake up each day with an option to be happy and go after what we want.   At tonight's show, I "got to" dedicate a song to another man who gave me some golden advice months ago.  I "got to" get a fan up on stage to sing with my band and it made his whole evening.  I "got to" see some old friends who hadn't been to a show in a while and it was wonderful to reconnect.  And, I "got to" have an amazing evening with some of the best musicians I have come to known...my band (Bruce, Danny & Jeff).  Never again will I say I "have to" play a show.  I "get to" play a show.  I'm blessed.  So to the man whom I don't remember that got me to think "get to": thank you!  You, my friend, rock because you helped change this mind for the better.  You, my friend, deserve the stage more than I do.  I have no idea who you are, but I promise to use the stage to help pay your wisdom forward.  And, it's awesome that I "get to" do that for you!  Thank you!

Non-Resistance Training

No, I'm not talking about a newfangled work-out at the gym that is all the rage right now.  However, it is a mental work out of sorts.  Non-resistance in this instance speaks to a new mindset.  It will make us much bigger men and women than other dumbbell or elliptical machine could.  Think about it: from the time we are very young we learn the art of resistance.  We resist the word "no", we resist nap time, we resist authority, we resist the comfort of home for a school day, etc.  This carries over into adulthood.  We resist looming lay-offs at work, hierarchical changes, a new gym routine from our trainers, a new website design we perceive as a nuisance rather than a help, and even the change in season from Fall to Winter.  My friends back in NY will understand the last example.  We spend a lot of time in life resisting.  Why?  Because a change means discomfort in our lives.  It means having to make alterations or even start over in some cases.  So what?  I've begun my non-resistance training.  I'm going to start letting the cards fall where they may without me meddling somewhere in the middle.  It will be interesting to see where I end up.  A couple of outcomes are possible.  The first: a beautiful situation that I might not have known had I resisted.  The other: a plain shitty situation.  No one said the end result would always be pretty.  Sometimes the end result will occur with or without our resistance.  Although it may seem less than desirable at first...there is a reason.  I would surmise that 7 out of 10 times in not resisting, the outcome will be better than you imagined.  I'm not condoning complete non-resistance.  We have a duty to protect ourselves from physical and mental harm.  We also have a civic duty to resist anything that impedes upon our constitutional rights.  I'm referring the other things in life that clutter our mind and keep us from being at our best.  Non-resistance training is not for the weak and it won't bring about instant results.  The mental muscle will take time grow.  But in sticking with this routine, I promise a better you and a better me!   That I can't resist!

Social Sweatworking

Let's be honest...if it weren't for social networking sites, I'd be on the phone a lot more, I'd have to be very creative or borderline stalker to meet the right people, I'd have to work 10 times harder to get two steps ahead, etc.  I could sit here and pontificate on the joys of social websites all day and their never ending uses to make life easier.  But Creators: can you just sit back and take a couple days off?  Us users are not going anywhere.  We are addicted to Facebook, crazy for Twitter and nuts about YouTube!  In the last couple weeks, Facebook decided that what we initially see on a person's wall isn't interesting enough.  Now, we get a slide show of pictures, where they work, where they went to school, a birth date...and probably soon: an underwear size.  I wouldn't really care so much if I had a choice whether to use the new "layout" or keep the old.  I did have a choice...for about 3 days.  After that, a forced switch-over was going to occur.  Twitter has been touting its new design but has been great about letting you keep the old.  Until now.  Again...your days of the old way are numbered.   I'm all about progress...both macro and micro.  However, it is enough to keep up with all the social websites and find a good balance between practical use, entertainment and anything in between.  I don't want to constantly deal with changes and figure out where icons, boxes, links and the whole nine yards now exist on a particular social website.  I could probably fashion a list of 10 other things to improve upon with Facebook, Twitter and all the other big gun sites.  I suspect these sites' respective design teams could too!  So please...leave the sites alone.  Think about this: When you drink out of a cup...you don't have to think twice about how to do it.  Cups are still relevant, still account for a portion of everyday sales and really haven't undergone a real giant change since their inception.   No Facebook, you are not a cup...but could you think like one?  I'm sick of being thirsty from all of this social sweatworking!

Oops! I Did it Back Then

It's human nature to want to forget past mistakes.  Some of us go a step further and vow never to speak of our "greater" less flattering moments again.  In some cases the latter is probably healthy! On New Year's Eve I was on a red carpet interviewing Kim Kardashian.   I've interviewed her what seems like a 1000 times.  But somewhere between asking her about a music video she recently made and what food she can't live without...she gave me a new year end mantra!  At the end of December she and her family send out emails to one another recapping some of the year's highlights and successes and some of the mistakes and missteps.  This might be why the family has had so much success in the retail world and have become an international brand.  Sure, some mistakes are easy to correct.  However, others require some intricate dissection.  If we brush off our mistakes without giving them the proper attention...how can we be sure we won't make them again?  The same is true of all our successes and prize moments throughout the year.  If we don't look in detail how we got to a particular achievement we could overlook an important step in what "would've or could've been" another down the road.  I'm not sure how in-depth the Kardashian emails get but the foundation for greater chance of success in life is there!  Every December I'm going to start looking back through the year...month by month...the good and the bad.   Mistakes are inevitable, but some are avoidable too!  And, success is guaranteed only if you do the right things 100 percent of the time!  Forget yearly resolutions.  Yearly reflections are more worth while.  Thanks Kim!